Every Tuesday, we’ll release our own Top 5 list of things we think we know about gaming. Some will be thesis, some will be absurd, and most somewhere in between. Chances are you aren’t going to agree with us because: 1) We aren’t experts. 2) Neither are you. Read, comment, and let us know how on point we are or how way off our logic is. Nevertheless, there will be a new list next Tuesday.

Today: The top 5 Games that Will Get You Laid.

1. Rock Band/GHWT/SingStar/Lips

I hope you’re sitting down for this one. Drunk chicks like to sing. They do. Trust me. Go to any college bar and around 12:30 AM, when the DJ starts playing “Don’t Stop Believing” or “Livin’ on a Prayer”, all the drunk girls start crooning as if they were Bon Jovi incarnate. (At least that’s what happened at the University of Delaware from 2000-2007). No one under the age of 40 has a karaoke machine, but we all have music games that have microphones. This is the gaming equivalent of the tactical nuke. It literally can’t miss.

2. Anything with the Wii Fit

This is a move straight out of How to Get Laid 101. The video of the Wii Fit girl twirling in her underwear made spank banks everywhere. You must capitalize on this. A girl can’t use the Wii Fit in a snowsuit, so the chances of small shorts, sports bras, etc. are very likely. This is how you play it: Get the girl on the Wii Fit. Do the hula hoop game or anything that requires her to gyrate around. Then, say, oh you’re doing it wrong, let me help you. Get behind girl and you’re halfway home. This can and has lead to dry humping and eventual insertion.

3. Dance Central on Kinect

This is future advice, so write it down. This uses the same principles as number 1. Drunk chicks like to dance. Sober chicks also like to dance but a few Twisted Teas or whatever women drink helps out a lot. You basically have a night club in your house, with a camera. Girls also like dancing in front of webcams. Google that but not at work. Hopefully there will be some R. Kelly tracks or Justin Bieber if you’re still in middle school. Many a young lad will credit his first handy with Kinect.

4. The Sims

Some people need a fantasy type scenario in order to get in the mood. Some people like anime. Some people are into feet, and some people are into voyeurism. The Sims let’s you do some of these things. Watching someone play video games can be insanely not entertaining, but watching someone virtually smash out? Could be a turn on. A ton of people play The Sims, so many that it is off putting. Maybe your girl has played the Sims. Maybe your girl has fantasized about you in a hot tub. Maybe your girl wants to watch you hook up in a virtual hot tub with another chick who is probably a 47 year old male sex offender. There are a lot of possibilities here. Whatever floats your boat buddy.

5. World of Warcraft

This is the wild card of the bunch. How will playing WoW get a girl to have sex you? Especially while you and 13 other dudes whom you have never met in person about to do a dungeon raid looking for the Sword of a Thousand Truths? Non gamers, especially girl non gamers are so bored by MMORPGs that they will literally have sex with you to turn off the game. I’m serious. Watching someone else map spells to their hot keys makes watching paint dry seem like Avatar in IMAX. Fire up some WoW and maybe she can map Trojan Magnum to your motherboard. Probably not magnum for you. Let’s be realistic.