We deal with these types of people throughout our daily lives, whether it is stuck in traffic, at the workplace, or even at home (I’m looking at you supposed loving “significant other”). We deal with them because we have to sometimes. Why do we subject ourselves, pay our hard earned money, to put up with these downright dirty characters in video games? Gaming for the most part should be part of our cool-down period. Well, to put it lightly, games need a-holes, and I’ve put together my list of my top 10 video game jackasses.
10. Dr. Eggman/Dr. Robotnik – Sonic the Hedgehog
There are a lot of evil game bosses and antagonists that could go on this list. Hell, pretty much every game known to man has some sort of bad guy, villain, or slimy character. Dr. Eggman is set apart from the rest with his unmitigated hatred of small woodland creatures. What on earth could these fluffy bunny rabbits, beavers, and birds do to deserve being held captive in huge metallic crates? As a young boy playing Sonic, this was my first taste of a-holes, and it really showed just how big of one Dr. Eggman was.
9. Leeroy Jenkins – World of Warcraft
Leeroy is on the list because he embodies all of those players out there that jump the gun and try to do everything themselves (plus it would really be hard to find a picture to embody an “asshole gamer”). We’ve all played with someone like this in Left 4 Dead that tries to run ahead to get through the level, only to get “smokered” half way through and call out for help. There is no “I” in teamwork, so that means you still have to play nicely.
8. Fairy – The Legend of Zelda Series
Sure, the easy route would be to just put Navi from Ocarina of Time, but everyone around here knows just how bad her annoying little voice is as she guides you through Hyrule telling you to “Look”, “Listen”, “Watch Out!” etc. No, I went with a different character from the Legend of Zelda series, and that is Fairy (no not Tingle). It really was all about the fairy in Legend of Zelda, from trying to hunt her quick moving entity with your snail’s pace Link, to having to take a bath with her to get your heart bars up again? What’s up with that? Are you trying to seduce me? When is it about Link?
7. Navarro – Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune
I just finished Uncharted (yeah, I know I am way behind), but I can tell you that Navarro is just one big douchey a-hole. His character doesn’t get fully developed until midway through the game, but it’s enough to make him one of the biggest assholes in gaming. He might seem like a secondary character for most of Uncharted, but his “I told you so” remarks throughout and his dark tendencies come out to catapult him to the top of game baddies.
6. Your Mom – Your House
This next one goes out to all of you who haven’t already moved out of your parent’s place. For those of you who haven’t, she is one of the biggest a-holes when it comes to playing games late at night, or during the day, or any other time for that matter. There are so many “Mom Rules” put into place to let you play games that it just get to be a chore. Only being able to play from 5:30pm to 5:31pm, to having to cover yourself and the TV in a blanket, and making sure the moon is in half orbit around the sun. Well, maybe that was just me, but for most of us, if Mom had her way, most of your free time would be filled with self grooming, reading books, and being constructive.
5. Bowser Family – Super Mario Bros.
The Bowser family is essentially the O’Doyle family of all of gaming. All we know is Bowser had a lot of kids, and they all turned out to be spitting images of their father, trying to kill Mario with hammers (or shells from MarioKart). I really don’t want to imagine what a road trip through the Mushroom Kingdom would have been like in the station wagon of the Bowsers.
4. Scorpion – Mortal Kombat
Scorpion only speaks one line throughout the entire game, but it is more than enough to label him a big video game a-hole. “Get over here!” This was a staple of conversation on the school yard for me at the time, and one that really showcases just how impatient Scorpion is to rip your spinal cord out of your body. Come on Scorpion! Let me read the Lord of The Rings Trilogy one more time before we fight!
3. Mario Referee – Mike Tyson’s Punch Out!
We’ve all played through Punch Out! on the NES to get to Mike Tyson at one point or another, but gamers rarely talk about the ace in the sleeve of the title defender you are fighting. Of course I’m talking about Mario the referee. You could put a whippin’ on King Hippo, but no matter how many times you sent Glass Joe to the mat, or put Van Kaiser on the ropes, Mario was always on their side at the end of the 3rd round if there wasn’t a clear winner. I think someone is getting some money under the table!
2. Hound Dog – Duck Hunt
Here are a few Duck Hunt shooting pointers: 1) Point plastic gun at your TV. 2) Pull the trigger! 3) Hope to hell you blow this mocking dog’s head off. With his pointing finger, hand over his mouth, and undeniable laugh, the hound dog from Duck Hunt goes down as one of the biggest a-holes in gaming history. Not doing so hot shooting down ducks? This dog is sure to let you know. Give ‘em hell!
1. King of All Cosmos – Katamari Damacy
The ESRB should have rated this game “A for @$$hole”. Katamari Damacy is by far one of the most original and funny games you’ll ever play. The idea of rolling up random household items set to tacky Japanese pop songs is absolutely brilliant, but the King of Cosmos will have you running to your bed to get under it. Not able to roll up enough items to make a star? Too bad! The King will put you down so much you’ll be running a cold shower so you can rock back and forth in the fetal position. “We broke it (the entire freaking galaxy!). Yes, we were naughty. So, very sorry. But just between you and us, it felt quite good.” He makes you not want to play the game anymore, and with him being the King of Cosmos, makes him one pretty big a-hole.
Hope you guys enjoyed the list! I’m sure I left a LOT of characters off of it, but do you have anybody you would like to add? Be sure to let me know in the comments!
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Jafar, from the original Prince of Persia. That dude was a Class-A douche.
I had a hacked ROM of Duck Hunt where you could shoot the dog. I loved it.
Totally. F-ing worth it…..
I always thought of Scorpion as more of an anti-hero.
I hated that hound in Dunk Hunt, he made me cry myself to sleep every night. Probably scarred me for life.
Oh how I LOATHE the King of All Cosmos! It’s nice to see him as the number one douchebag. Who would put him in that fantastically happy game to ruin the good time you were having just rolling up coins, small animals, and food items? Props to you, my friend.
How about the trainer/narrator in Wii Fit? All they do is call you fat.
No Matt, that’s the mirror.
I’m gonna go cry now
As another thought, what about GLADOS from Portal? Her demeaning voice was always there, mocking you, every step of the way.
The cake is NOT a lie!
I thought about GlaDOS from Portal, but during the beginning rooms of the game, she mostly just guides you through and turns a-hole later on when she tries to kill you…….:D
Nice list. Please make more. Now.
I HATED the quick time events in Shenmue 1 and 2.
So much rage.
Scorpion is excused for being an ahole. He was murdered, as was his family and entire clan, in a cowardly act of revenge. If anything, it should be Sub Zero up on that list.
I AM KENNY! TREMBLE IN RECOGNITION OF MY EXISTENCE!
What about Sephiroth? He could also be classified under the badass category as well.
I don’t think Sephiroth’s intent was to be an asshole, he was doing what he wanted and if you got in the way, that was your fault…even though what he wanted would have destroyed the planet.
You forgot SHODAN from the System Shock series. She created The Many, had you running around doing her will, thinking that she was your ally, only to find out she was planning to merge real space and hyperspace together so she could recreate the universe. And that voice… She speaks to me when I’m not on my meds…
I’d have to say the cheezy-pooz guy on the first FEAR. I forgot his name but I wanted to shoot the sh** out of him.
He was seriously an asshole
Ummm - I think you could have chosen a better gaming a-hole then our Mothers! I mean half of the community here depends on their Mother to buy thier games and consoles. Besides, it’s just not cool or even slightly funny. FAIL.
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