The Nintendo Entertainment System… the first console I owned. The one that came with Gyromite and that fucktard of a robot, R.O.B, that did absolutely nothing but look stupid doing what it did - move his arms up-and-about and cause temporary blindness with those damned flashes. After witnessing the egregious things it did, I beat that thing to a pulp and used the scraps to build a fortress for my G.I. Joe action figures. Seriously. Twenty-years later, I still find myself perplexed at the fact that I remained a hardcore gamer after being traumatized at such a young age by a fuckin’ plastic robot.

My name is Yaris Gutierrez. Still a hardcore gamer and now one of the new contributors to the Loot Ninja team. My passion? Gaming and writing. Two things that I’ve been blessed to express (wow… unintentional rhyme) on this awesome site. I’m an all-around gamer. I play everything from next-gen consoles to even freakin’ Flash games. I do it all. I’m not your new-age gamer. You know, the ones that whine and bitch “My console is better than yours!”. I’ve owned every system and still, to this day, appreciate gaming as a hobby. Ergo, I have no personal preference. If a console has a good game, I’m getting it. I enjoy a majority of genres. Sports, shooters, action/adventure, platformers, RPG’s, the whole nine. But, personally, I prefer a good RPG simply because of their in-depth story lines and long play time. Don’t let that fool you, though. I’m known to cause massive intestinal damage from the ass-rapings I give in COD4.

I’m from Bronx, New York. Some of you might have heard of it and might wonder if I’ve stabbed or robbed people in my time. No I haven’t (I think). Growing up in my neighborhood, I witnessed a lot of shit that would probably put Saving Private Ryan and New Jack City (combined) to shame. Statistically speaking, I should have ended up either dead, selling drugs, in jail or some other negative shit. But gaming was my savior. And that’s real talk. Gaming not only helped me avoid the ridiculous jungle of where I reside, but it throttled me forward to do better things for myself and pursue a career, and degree, in Computer Science. If I’m not gaming, I’m coding or doing something “geeky”… and sometimes watching midget porn with Bridget the Midget taking some huge penis in her anus. Midgets rock my boat.

I’m looking forward to bringing great writing to a great site. I’m happy to be apart of such a great team of guys and hope to bring awesome shit to you all. Look out, Internet, HERE I COME!

-Yaris