Things seemed to go right for most of the upper seeds in the “To Catch a Predator” bracket… but anything can happen when dealing with sexual deviants.
Match 1: (1) Hard Man (MM 3) vs. (7) Snake Man (MM 3)
After coming off an upset win, Snake Man needed to somehow find a way to slow down Hard Man. What does a man do to one who has never known flaccidty? Snake Man quickly boards a bus for Tijuana and picks up a bootleg prescription for the Mexican equivalent of Viagra and heads back stateside for the match. Underway, Snake Man begins to worry, his erection has persisted for more than 4 hours and he knew he had to consult a physician. Out of desperation, he asks Hard Man to bestow mercy on him. Hard Man looks Snake Man dead in the eyes and says, “4 hours? My erection has lasted twenty seven years bitch.” It was a hard day’s night indeed.
Winner: Hard Man
(3) Drill Man (MM 4) vs (4) Quick Man (MM 2 )
Here are two mega men you would not leave your daughter alone with for a minute. Especially, if your daughter was an attractive Pepsi machine. Quick man had a plan to derail the Drill man express. He rented a good humor machine and wheeled it in to the ring. To no one’s surprise, Drill Man became infatuated and ran over to introduce himself. The plan was for Drill Man to make sweet sweet love to the ice cream machine and develop hypothermia from the below freezing temperatures. Unfortunately, “I don’t know what you’ve been told, but Good Humor pussy is mighty cold”, is what was shouted by Drill man as he began to go to town on the Choco Taco slot. After he was finished, he stabbed Quick man in the face with a Firecracker pop.
Winner: Drill Man
Well, the dust has settled and we have our Round 2 combatants ready for action. Check back tomorrow for the results of the first leg of the next round. Just in case you missed some first round action, just type in “ultimate showdown” in our search engine and catch up on the carnage.
Capcom held it’s annual Gamer’s Day in San Fransisco this week. Their biggest announcement: Lost Planet coming to PC. This has been a huge hit for the Xbox 360, so why not port it over. I’m sure the sequel will end up on PC and PS3 as well, but there’s been no announcements yet on that front.
For the Nintendo DS, there’s two new games coming, both in the sequel realm. The first is a new Phoenix Wright game for all you wanna-be attorneys out there. The second is a new Mega Man game. Check out our current Ultimate Showdown to see who’s the best Mega Man villian of all time. It might make the gameplay on this new game just a little bit better. 
There’s going to be a lot of great downloadable titles coming for Xbox 360, PS3, and PC this year. The best of the list are Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD and Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix. These classics are getting a new twist with 1080p graphics and online play on all platforms. As if we haven’t had enough Street Fighter games anyway…
I like to see that all of these games are coming simultaneously for all platforms. It gives everyone some choice and a chance to play these great games.
Match 1: (1) Air Man (MM 2 ) vs. (8) Bright Man (MM 4)
He’ll huff and puff and pretty much blow you, away. Air man us basically all the bad things in the bible. No, not really, but if you get too close, its gonna be a Maxell ad all over again. On the other hand, Bright man, has giant 60 watt light bulb stuck to his head. Bright man is a good friend to have in a hurricane and was last seen on QVC selling samurai swords because fluorescent bulbs put him out of business. Bright man is like the first guy you fight in Mike Tyson’s punchout, kind of old school, but still a pussy. Air man offers to give Bright man a job, then blows him into a brick wall.
Winner: Air Man
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Match 1: (1) Shade Man (MM 7 ) vs. (8) Knight Man (MM 6)
This is basically the equivalent of 2 girls fighting on the playground over the swingset. Shade man happens to be a robot vampire? That makes about as much sense as a shit flavored lollipop. On the other hand, Knights are supposed to be the good guys and bang wenches in towers and so forth. What is Shade man gonna do, latch on and drain some oil. Turns out Knight man loves chinese food and had some shrimp in garlic sauce before the fight. Vampire rules apply here in the Matrix.
Winner: Knight Man
Hit the jump for more »
Match 1: (1) Hard Man (MM 3) vs. (8) Wood Man (MM 2)
Hard man only knows one thing, being hard. All the time. If everyone was like Hard Man, viagra’s stock would crumble. Wood man on the other hand only wears a leaf to protect his package. Hard man wanted to see how hard he was and after playing Mortal Kombat 1, he wanted to see if he could break wood. Unfortunately, Wood man has a hole on top his head. All that was left was sawdust and tears. Hard man never goes soft. Ever.
Winner: Hard Man
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Match 1: (1) Junk Man (MM 7) vs. (8) Crystal Man (MM 5)
Junk Man, having spent all of his mega credits on smack is squared off against Crystal Man who hada meth lab in his basement. Junk Man mistakes the large crystal in Crystal Man’s head for a vicodan and rips it out and swallows it. Junk Man prevails, but must make an amends to Crystal Man’s family as part of his 12 step program. Junk Man also resides in a van down by the river.
Winner: Junk Man
Hit the jump for more »
32 men enter. I man leave. This is the inaugral loot-ninja ultimate showdown to determine which mega villain made mega man shit his blue undies. The contenders have been broken down into 4 brackets by a common thread that each villain shares.
Click here for the full bracket.
Tomorrow: The I Spent Time in Drug Rehab Region.
Ever wonder who is the baddest ass Mega Man villain of all time? Well, I did. We have made a 32 mega bracket off the best and worst villains from Mega man 1-7. They will square off in a one on one, no holds barred tournament to see who climbs to the top. Each bracket has been carefully constructed and each match chosen to give the fiercest competition. Everyday I will drink about a bottle of cough syrup and comment on the matches as they go on. Be sure to check back everyday for results. This will be a regular contribution to loot-ninja with other robitussin laced ideas to come.
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