This is an original feature to Loot Ninja that will continue to debut every Tuesday. Caveat Emptor is a legal term for “Buyer Beware”. We give you the heads up on mistakes we have made buying things.

This week: Eating at a Strip Club

Mistake: Deciding to forgo eating at a restaurant that has regular Department of Health inspections and requires shirts and shoes. Last time I checked, people don’t wear pants at strip clubs. You’d be lucky if the truck driver sitting next to you has showered this week.

Reality: The $5 buffet during halftime of the Monday Night Football game was refilled by a stripper wearing nothing but stilettos and a G-string. Every straight man loves topless women. Not every straight man wants them handling their food.

Outcome: Food poisoning is the most likely result. Strip clubs are not known for their cleanliness. They make bowling alleys look like The Four Seasons hotel when it comes sanitary proficiency. Maybe you might just get pink eye if someone bare-assed farted near the baked ziti.

Final price: Depends on your medical benefits and how bad you got sick. Hopefully a few days of missed work. Then when you have to retrace your steps to see where you got food poisoning and have to tell your doctor, friends, and hopefully not wife you ate lunch at a titty bar… you can kiss any sympathy good bye.

Caveat Emptor: Grown man who needs to eat with boobies in his face.