(In a game of social slayer, that the red team won 50-48 in a back and forth contest. The final two kills were made by a Ghost splattering 2 blue team members. Gamer #1 was on the blue team.)

Gamer #1: You guys are such pussies. How are you going to end a game like that with a Ghost.

Gamer #2: Dude, are you serious?

Gamer#1: Yes I am. Whats the matter? You don’t have any confidence in your abilities in hand to hand combat?

Gamer#3: Let it go dude.

Gamer#1: I take this shit very seriously. And you guys just ruined a great match.

The entire lobby, both teams who stayed to hear the rant, erupt into laughter.

(Gamer #1, beside himself in a game of Shotty Snipers after getting killed time and time again)

Gamer #1: Fuck!

Gamer #1(killed again seconds later) Shit!

Gamer #2 Mexican stinky balls!

Gamer #3 My cousin and I touched wwwwww-einers!

You’re almost daily dose of hilarity.

(During a Team Slayer match, after Gamer #1 kills Gamer #2)

Gamer #2: Oh Jesus Christ this game fucking sucks. I hate this game. Im returning it.

Gamer #1 kills Gamer #2 again

Gamer #2: Oh Jesus Christ. I HATE THIS GAME!

Gamer #3: Wow you suck worse than my sister.

Gamer #1: I bet she’s a fat pig.

Gamer #2: I think this is the worst game ever made for Xbox 360. I would trade it for a kids game or a fucking reading training game. That’s how bad it is.

You’re almost daily dose of hilarity.

(In a lobby, waiting for a game to start. Gamer #2 is singing, badly)

Gamer #1: Gamer #2, I have a question for you. If you were on Brokeback Mountain, who would you be, Jake or Heath?

Gamer #2: (High pitched voice) Umm, what?

Gamer #3: Oh, he is definitely a Jake

Gamer #4 Yeah, agreed. 100% Jake.

Gamer #1: Have another Heath bar buddy. Good luck though.

Your almost daily dose of hilarity.

(Team slayer where Gamer #1, probably 12 at the most,  is a distant last on a winning team)

Gamer #2: Hey Gamer #1, what did the priest say to the rabbi?

Gamer #1: Umm, I dunno, what?

Gamer #2: That you absolutely suck.

You’re almost daily dose of hilarity.

(Gamer #1 wins a ranked lone wolves match, Gamer #2 finishes in a distant last)

Gamer #1: Hey Gamer #2, do you smell something?

Gamer #2: Smell what now?

Gamer #1: Smells like shit, just like your aim.

Your almost daily dose of hilarity. And yes, these are real. I may have had a hand in a few of them actually.

(In a social slayer match where the red team won 50-8 and the blue team had 4 players on the same console)

Gamer #1: Hey guys, maybe if you tone down the gang bang over there you may get into double digits.

Gamer #2: Haha, back in the man pile fellas.

Gamer #1: They took our jobs!

You’re almost daily dose of hilarity.

(Gamer #1 is clad in all pink MJOLNIR armor, racking up a good amount of kills)

Gamer #2: This girl is really good.

Gamer #1: I’m a guy by the way

Gamer #3: Hey Gamer #1, do you sit down when you pee?

You almost daily dose of hilarity.

(After a Team Slayer game where Gamer #2 finishes with not a single kill in a 4 on 4 match to 50)

Gamer #1: Hey Gamer #2, can you do me a favor.

Gamer #2:(squeaky voice, not a day over 10 most likely). Sure!

Gamer #1 Press eject and break your disc in half. You are a disgrace. Probably kill yourself afterwards.

You almost daily dose of hilarity.

Gamer #1:  Oh my god someone call the cops!

Gamer #2:  Why?

Gamer #1:  Cuz I’m rapingggggg….

Thank you Game Hard for the submission.

Loot Ninja no way endorses or condones rape of any kind.