Have you ever found yourself holding a gun in a dark alley wanting to waste somebody in order to go to jail?  Do you find yourself gluing black cardboard bars to your outside windows of your apartment to make it seem like you are in the big house?  Have you ever just wanted to see what it’s like to be corn-holed in dark cell by an overweight Latino man named Jose?  Have you ever walked around the house holding on to your wife’s pocket asking her to call you “little bitch boy”?  If you answered yes to any of these questions then read on, because I have an RPG game that you might just want to play.  A game not only you will be happy playing, but it should also give your family the peace of mind knowing you aren’t in the joint getting a dirty cock meat sandwich.

The title of the game is called Prison Life.  It’s a free online RPG where you and you friends can start your own prison gang.  I know right! Just what you always wanted to do?  You sign up with an e-mail address and you’ll quickly be on your way to sticking it (both in the butt and to the face) soon.

I’m guessing the game will essentially work the same way as other online games with each member of the gang leveling up by doing individual jobs and tasks.  Things like picking fights in certain areas, getting “in” with the black market, or gaining prison objects like trash can lids and pipes.  Do good enough with these and you’ll eventually get your hands on cigarettes and even the elusive crack rock.

Just because you are in prison, doesn’t mean this is a gravy ride of easy riots and good toilet wine. Oh no!  You still need to keep up with your daily routine of eating your meals in the mess hall and checking the yard for activity.  Don’t forget to bulk up for the next fight, so you’ll also be spending some time in the gym working out for a certain amount of minutes so you don’t get ice picked in the side next time.

Let’s run across the pros of Prison Life.  A) You won’t ever get shanked.  B) Your butt is safe from raping. C) You don’t have to be anyone’s bitch boy (other than your wife or girlfriend).  D) There is no warden to take down ala Andy in the Shawshank Redemption.

I ran across the Prison Life RPG and figured I would throw it out there to you guys for some good hearty laughs.  I couldn’t believe a game like this actually existed, and really? Who would want to play this?  I mean, I guess I will play for now.  I’m off to go gonna suit up in my nicely pressed jumpsuit, sit at the computer with some sweet tea and freshly baked cookies, and wonder what that thing poking me in the butt feels like.  Those were the days I tell ya.  The good old days.  Snake, T-Dawg, Squeak, Crystal, Joo-Joo, and Cyrus.  We were a rag tag team in the joint.  And I’ll miss every last one of your mugs.

[Prison Life]