This is an original feature to Loot Ninja that will continue to debut every Tuesday. Caveat Emptor is a legal term for “Buyer Beware”. We give you the heads up on mistakes we have made buying things.

This week: Special underwear that triggers an alarm when you piss all over yourself.

Mistake: Thinking that last shot of warm whiskey right before you leave was a good idea. Neither were the 17 beers and 5 Jack and Diets. Also thinking that your body can somehow hold several gallons of liquid while suffering from borderline alcohol poisoning. Furthermore, buying a device to tell you that you pissed yourself.

Reality: You wake up covered in piss. Don’t really need a special device for that. Maybe waking up freezing covered in urine will tell you the same thing the small attached alarm will: You pissed yourself again. Now, you are soaking wet and an alarm is letting everyone in the house know that your bed is now a wave pool. No need to hide the sheets. They already know.

Outcome: You are covered in piss. Nothing much to add here. Also, the 400 bucks you spent is not going to offer much help. You don’t have some psychological fears or repressed molestation. Drank way too fucking much.

Final price: You are the brunt of jokes at IHOP the next day. The alarm woke up the girl sleeping next to you. Not only is she thrilled she was given an impromptu golden shower, she is woken up by an alarm clock attached to your nutsac. She is also covered in piss. Most, not all, but most girls aren’t down with that. Might want to wait a few days to call her back.

Caveat Emptor: Grown man who spent 400 bucks on training undies for little kids only to find the undies do you no good but serve as a startling conclusion that it is gonna be another long walk to the laundromat.