This is an original feature to Loot Ninja that will continue to debut every Tuesday. Caveat Emptor is a legal term for “Buyer Beware”. We give you the heads up on mistakes we have made buying things.
This week: Drinking Jager Bombs at the Jersey Shore not only make you hammered, they make you turn into a giant douche bag.
Mistake: Actually believing that the chicks in the corner staring at you think your popped collar and awful smelling drink want to bang you.
Reality: The Jager Bomb gets you drunk, hyped, and angry all at the same time. Mixing absurd amounts of stimulants (Taurine and Sugar) and depressants (Trace opiates found in Jagermeister) all taken in one fell swoop are a recipe for disaster. Also screaming “Jager Bombs!” at the top of your lungs to let everyone know you came to party doesn’t help the case either.
Outcome. You’re hammered. You spent a shitload of money. There is spilled yellow/brownish fluid on your pink Polo (collar still popped), and the girls are nowhere to be found.
Final price: You came to get laid. Epic fail. Might as well go pick a fight.
Caveat Emptor: Chicks don’t dig blacked out idiots fist-pumping covered in booze and energy drinks.
as much as i’d like to agree with you based on my shared disdain for the douche bag, they get laid like crazy. I know of few of these unfortunate bastards and there is no short supply of retarded sluts waiting in line every weekend to make a mistake with them. The flaw of your argument is that it assumes women are not idiots. The women that frequent the places douche bags go are equal to or lesser than the douche bags themselves.
Given that Steve has bartended at places like this for years, I don’t question his expertise in the area.
This one reminded me of the my new haircut video rofl.
@ Ian:
I was avoiding the “woman are stupid angle” for a reason. They dont get laid as much as you think. I bartended down the Jersey Shore for years.
The image was pretty accurate! DB all over his forehead. Hopefully he is not a loot ninga!
And yes, please skip the woman are stupid angle. I personally think guys are much more stupid. Did you know most girls use guys. We have laughed at how small, crooked or ugly their penises are, how fast they come or how stupid they are in general. This is what we do at lunch time. Its some pretty funny shit. So if you really think girls are stupid, thinkagain.
Most girls make monuments to my penis. My penis will block out the sun, so you will have to sleep in the shade.