Match 1: (1) Shade Man (MM 7 ) vs. (8) Knight Man (MM 6)
This is basically the equivalent of 2 girls fighting on the playground over the swingset. Shade man happens to be a robot vampire? That makes about as much sense as a shit flavored lollipop. On the other hand, Knights are supposed to be the good guys and bang wenches in towers and so forth. What is Shade man gonna do, latch on and drain some oil. Turns out Knight man loves chinese food and had some shrimp in garlic sauce before the fight. Vampire rules apply here in the Matrix.
Winner: Knight Man
Match 2: (2) Bubble Man (MM 2) vs. (7) Pharoah Man (MM 4)
Bubble man has works late at a night club blowing bubbles onto a dancefloor so teenagers can drop ecstasy and play grab ass. Pharaoh man happens to be a 4000 year old middle eastern monarch with nothing else really better to do. Bubble man tries to distract Pharaoh man with some sweet bubbles. Pharaoh man sometimes farts in the bathtub and bites the bubbles. This time he just has Bubble man thrown into slavery to build a jacuzzi in a pyramid.
Winner: Pharoah Man
Match 3: (3) Cloud Man (MM 7) vs. (6) Gemini Man (MM 3)
Nothing strikes fear in the heart of any man like a gaseous entity of condensed water, except perhaps a horoscope. Today’s forecast called for rain, but apparently Gemini’s future called for him to have likely one of those days that will be incredibly brisk and efficient, and he will acheive more than he thought possible. One thing that spells certain doom is a vague futuristic projection based on no evidence or reason. Cloud man never had a chance.
Winner: Gemini Man
Match 4: (4) Tomahawk Man (MM 6 ) vs. (5) Yamato Man (MM 6)
This is the most racially motivated match of them all. One end you have Tomahawk man, who works as a bouncer at an Indian casino and the other is Yamato man. He is a 4th century japanese samurai. An out of work samurai. Tom Cruise was the last samurai, everyone knows that. Tomahawk man knows 2 things: No touching the strippers and always double down on 11 in blackjack. Yamato man mad at his current situation, commits seppoko or japanese suicide. Tomahawk has just enough time to hit the prime rib buffet.
Winner: Tomahawk Man
Tomorrow: The Found at Home Depot Region
