Match 1: (1) Hard Man (MM 3) vs. (8) Wood Man (MM 2)
Hard man only knows one thing, being hard. All the time. If everyone was like Hard Man, viagra’s stock would crumble. Wood man on the other hand only wears a leaf to protect his package. Hard man wanted to see how hard he was and after playing Mortal Kombat 1, he wanted to see if he could break wood. Unfortunately, Wood man has a hole on top his head. All that was left was sawdust and tears. Hard man never goes soft. Ever.
Winner: Hard Man
Match 2: (2) Flash Man (MM 3) vs. (7) Snake Man (MM 3)
Flash Man had to do six months in county for exposing himself to an 8 year old. Snake man is notorious for cutting a hole in the bottom of popcorn containers on mega dates. Flash Man shows up in a trench coat and black socks and nothing else. He looks both ways and opens the coat. Snake man is not pleased. He plays a tune on his plastic recorder and out comes a surprise. He hits his finishing move, “Snakes on a Plane”, which is analagous to the roman helmet.
Winner: Snake Man
Match 3: (3) Drill Man (MM 4) vs. (6) Flame Man (MM 6)
Drill man loves to screw vending machines. No other way to put it. He is the Quagmire of the Mega man universe. He tried going to Nymphomatics Anonymous, but was ejected when he was caught humping a Pepsi machine. Flame man used to be an engineer in his native Iran, but now must drive taxis because of the lack of work for a man with a sexual record. Flame man straps himself with dynamite and charges Drill man because he has had it. The flame that comes out of his flaming turban ignites the wick and he is blown to pieces. Drill man, who is surprised and kind of horny sees a Snapple machine from across the street. I wouldn’t drink Mango Madness for a couple of days I were you.
Winner: Drill Man
Match 4: (4) Quick Man (MM 2 ) vs. (5) Dive Man (MM 4)
Quick man has a problem. He just can’t seem to hold out for more than 60 seconds. He tried thinking of baseball, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, turkey sandwiches, but nothing keeps Quick man from blowing to early. Dive man is a hero to the ladies. He goes downtown and is a pro at it. He once pleasured six Mega hos in a jacuzzi while holding his breath for 2 and a half hours. Quick man thinks of Dr. Wily in a speedo and puts Dive man’s eyes out.
Winner: Quick Man
Tomorrow: The Mega Man Laughed in my Face region.
