As we all know, Rockstar is being tighter than a dolphin’s asshole on the future locale of GTA 4.  The trailer is due out next week and here is a countdown to the exact moment.  Instead of waiting, I am going to speculate on where it will take place and I believe it will NOT be in America.  GTA is going international and here are the top 5 cities I think would make the best background to the juggarnaut title.

 5. Grand Theft Auto Amsterstam.  This place makes Las Vegas look like fucking Sesame Street.  Prositution is not only legal, they have licenses.  And if you want a bong hit with your waffles, they are happy to oblige.  Nowhere in the world does a country let people do whatever the hell they please, and this would make a great place to cause some havoc.

 4. Grand Theft Auto Cancun.  Anyone who has ever gone on Spring Break or ordered Girls Gone Wild tapes knows what I’m talking about. The police are more corrupt than the criminals in Mexico.  Could you imagine running around with a chainsaw while girls who hate their fathers play grab ass by the swim up bar? Or run into Senor Frogs only to see some person from the Real World Dallas drinking tequila out a super soaker?  Better bring the silk boxers.

3. Grand Theft Auto Bogota.  For those who failed geography class, its in Columbia, the cocaine capital of the world.  This could have a Scarface-esque feel to it, just done right.  With a mix of jungles and urban layouts, this could be really sweet. 

 2. Grand Theft Auto Ho Chih Minh.  Vietnam is officially where keeping it real goes wrong.  First of all, their nationally currency is called a dong.  That will never get old. Second, you can walk down the street and see a Muay thai fight just break out for no reason.  I hear they also have 12 yr old asian lady boys for sale.  Its like the wild west in the present day.  Did I mention they call their currency the dong?

1.  Grand Theft Auto Baghdad. I was not going to use this because of the war, but fuck it.  Imagine this scenario: The army withdraws and its dog eat dog in the middle east. An american with an itchy trigger finger and a penchant for greed goes overseas and wreaks havoc.  What other game could you hijack a camel? Plus, what red blooded american wouldn’t want to go their and kick some ass anyway.